England and his (not so) Charming Brothers
by BecomeOneWithMotherRussiaDa
Summary: Normal siblings have normal conversations. About normal things. Not masturbating over the Monarchy and leaving sisters with the Bad Touch Trio.


Hello! This is my first Fanfic I've put on here, so please me nice to me! If it's complete shite, however, do tell me. I need to know these things, you see. I don't own Axis Powers – Hetalia, don't sue me please!

"Baby Brother! Where are you?!" I yelled as I waltzed into my brother's house, followed by my two other brothers, David and Trevo. Not literally waltzed, that would be weird, but you get the picture.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Baby Kirkland yelled. His name's Arthur, by the way. He represents England and the whole of the United Kingdom because he was Mum's favourite. I represent the best nation to ever exist ever, Scotland. David and Trevo represent Wales and Ireland respectively, the other less awesome nations that make up the British Isles. There's also our sister, the Republic of Ireland, but she got all pissy when we left her in the arms on the Bad Touch Trio, so she no longer wishes to be part of us, silly Naomi.

"Well, that's just rude, isn't it? You'd think he didn't want to see us!" Trevo laughed.

"How mean!" David smirked. "We only wanted to see Baby Brother!"

"Why the bloody hell are you here?!" England asked, refusing to look at us. God, you start a few wars with someone and all of a sudden they don't want to speak to you!

"Can't we just want to see little Artie?!"

"No Trevo. No you can't. Do you remember what happened last time you _'just wanted to see me'_?!" Arthur yelled. Such an aggressive child.

"So we got a little drunk and violated the Queen. She secretly enjoyed it if you ask me!"

"ROBERT! SHUT YOUR BLOODY MOUTH!" Whoa, Baby Bro did not like that!

"I think he meant the time when we streaked through Buckingham Palace for a laugh, Rob!" Trevo laughed.

"LISTEN CLOVER BOY; SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU."

"TREVO, ROBERT, YOU'RE BOTH WRONG! He's still upset over that time we got him drunk and tied him to the hour hand of Big Ben. Naked!"

"Don't you have some sheep to defile?" Arthur growled. Wait, WHAT?!

"That was never proved." Me and Trevo just looked at each other like :O

"Anyway, why are you still here?!"

"To mock you of course, sweetie!" I said in a sweet, mocking tone.

"Well, could you bugger off?"

"Nope." Trevo smiled.

"Never." David grinned.

"Mocking you is too much fun, Artie!" I squealed whilst jumping up and down. How manly.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"Oh, is it only Francis that can call you that?" I smirked.

"America's called it him too, Robbie! Baby Brother gets around!" David whispered loudly.

"I do not!" Artie protested. Such a slag.

"Oh look at me, I'm England! I once ruled the World, but now no-one wants to be my friend because I can't cook and I talk to imaginary animals!" Trevo said in an Englishy accent, putting two fingers over each eyebrow to mock Artie's huge eyebrows.

"My eyebrows are HUGE and it sucks having such awesome brothers when I suck so much!" David said, putting four fingers over each eyebrow instead of two.

"All I do is bitch and complain about how much of a pervert Francis is, and how stupid America is, but I actually want to be shagged good and hard by the pair of them!" I laughed, opting to put my hand over each eyebrow instead. He really does have massive eyebrows.

"SHUT UP!" Artie screeched, but we ignored him.

"The only friends I have are freaks!" David false-cried.

"I talk to a flying green rabbit and fairies that don't exist!" I also fake-cried. Damn, we're good actors.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!"

"Hey. Hey Arthur." Trevo grinned.

"What?!" Arthur yelled.

"I tea-bagged your bunny thing! AHAHAHAHA!"

"THAT'S IT! OUT! OUT! OUT!"

"SEALAND IS HERE, JERK BIG BROTHER!" An extremely prepubescent voice yelled. "Who are these people? Jerky friends of yours?" OMG! It's a little sailor! He was the hat and everything!

"Great, this is all I need," Arthur muttered. "Peter, these are your other older broth-"

"Hello!" I interrupted. "My name is Robert. His name is-"

"David! And this is-"

"Trevo! Nice to meet you kid!"

"Are you countries too?!" The lil' sailor kid asked.

"'Course! I'm Scotland!"

"My name is Wales." David said, bowing slightly.

"And I'm Ireland!" Trevo said, jumping as high as he could. "But only the Northern Part!"

"I'm Sealand!" The little sailor kid smiled. I like this kid. But you know, not in any illegal way. That's not my scene.

"So this is the one you talk about?!" David asked Artie.

"The 'annoying little shit who thinks he's a country'?" I added.

"Are you sleeping with Latvia?!" Trevo asked the sailor child with a bit too much enthusiasm. Him and Hungary should exchange notes.

"TREVO! TOO FAR!" Arthur cried.

"You told them that I'm not a country?! I AM SO A COUNTRY!"

"We believe you, kid." I tell him, tapping him on his shoulder.

"You do?!" He asked, spinning around.

"Of course! Arthur's always wrong, so if he says that you aren't a country, then you must be!" I grinned.

"STOP ENCOURAGING HIM!" I'm just going to ignore him until he stops yelling, it's just rude.

"Let him be a country, Artie! I remember when you were a little country, and you grew out your hair so you'd look sexier than Francis!" David told him.

"So you really think I'm a country!" Sea-child asked us.

"A ginger never lies, and look at us. We're all ginger! AHAHA!" Trevo cackled. Is cackled the right word? It makes him sound all evil. Like he should be sat in a big leather chair, petting a cat and being all like 'We've been expecting you Mr Bond'.

"Well, apart from Baby Brother!" David laughed, ruffling Artie's blond hair.

"I like you guys. You're funny!" Sailor-child smiled sweetly.

"Whilst that is_ so_ true, it's more that Arthur's so boring that he's never funny!"

"I know! He's always yelling at me, and he's really mean all the time!"

"Aw, come here," I said, lifting the kid on to my shoulders. "Now you're bigger than mean old England!"

"Yay! Thank you Mr Scotland!" He squealed happily, hugging the back of my head.

"Seriously, leave now. You came here, have caused mayhem in my home, and now the little shit thinks he's a country!" Artie yelled, clearly upsetting the sailor boy as he started crying into the back of my head.

"What'd you make him cry for?!He's only a little kid!" David shouted at Arthur.

"What an arsehole!" Trevo yelled.

"Come on. Let's take Peter for some real fun. Paintballing or something. Not sewing and masturbating over the Monarchy!" I giggled.

"FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, I NEVER DID THAT! I DIDN'T HAPPEN!"

"But we did catch you doing it over someone!"

"It was over Mr France, Mr Wales." Sea-sailor sniffled.

"WE KNEW IT!" David, Trevo and myself cried out in unison. How odd.

"You knew what?" An extremely French voice said. Oh, this is going to be good.

"WHY THE- WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, FROG!" So crude, little brother. Mother would be ever so disappointed.

"To see you, Mon Cher! Mon Patron sent me over to discuss things with you, but seeing as you have the dear Écosse, the always charming Pays de Galles and the darling Irlande du Nord here, I think those things can wait!" The way he just flounced into the room couldn't have been more flamboyant if he'd had glittery rainbow unicorns shooting out of his arse.

"France, did you know that Baby Brother masturb-" David started before he was so rudely interrupted by Artie putting his hand over his mouth.

"ENGLAND GETS OFF ON THOUGHTS OF FRANCE! AHAHA!" Trevo yelled, laughing his arse off.

"Trevo! I wanted to tell him!" I smirked.

"Vraiment, mon petit amour? Honhonhon!" France said frenchly, pulling the ultimate 'predator, I have sweets in the van' face.

"NO! NO! NO!"

"He does Mr France! He's not quiet about it either! I often have to go to Latvia's so I can't hear him!" Sea-Peter giggled.

"OH MON CHER!" The ever-creepy France cried seductively, all but pouncing on our brother. What the actual fuck, Francis! That's our little brother! Go and fuck him somewhere else!

""Get off me, bloody fucking pervert!" Artie cried, running away from his one true fuck buddy.

"Do you think we should leave them now?" David asked us, looking quite disgusted with the display that France just put on.

"ONE SECOND!" Trevo yelled, pulling out a bright red lipstick. Taking the cap off of the lipstick, which I'm really confused as to why he has it, by the way, and proceeded to write 'Use protection. We don't want you getting pregnant! Love your totally awesome brothers!' on the wall. I'm seriously beginning to think that he was dropped on his head as a baby.

"Let's go now!" David grinned.

"Where are we going? Can I come?" Sailor-boy asked innocently. Oh, that innocence. It's sweet. Let's ruin it.

"Wanna go to one of England's churches and throw gay porn at the priests?" I smirked evilly. Can you even smirk evilly? You can now!

"HELL YES!" Trevo screamed.

"Can Raivis come too?!" Sea-Child asked, way too enthusiastically for them to just be friends.

"If he wants! Shall we go and get him?" David smiled, to which Sealand nodded.

"Then what the fuck are we still doing here?! Let's leave. It smells like tea and masturbating in here." I laughed before we all walked out of England's house to go and get Latvia.

Today's going to be a good day.


End file.
